Words of a wretched soul

Dear self,
   at the end of each day why you are left alone,
Why the light of the world lightens you temporarily,when you are already living in darkness,
Why for a while the outsiders make you smile,while rest of the time you had to stay with your tears,
Why everytime you try to find meaning out of your life,life seems absurd to you,
If you carry a beautiful soul then why everyone leaves you,
If life is beautiful where can you find beauty?
If life is for living,how can you be worthy for living?